Im going to tell you why Im going to leave you for your best friend. Ive been spending a lot of time with him while you sit at home with your pathetic mitt and a box of tissues to keep you company. Youre so pathetic! Hes hot, successful, muscular, certain, charismatic and wealthy and well you are none of those things. Youre fortunate Ive kept you around for so long, but your time is running out cucky, your best friend is too good in bed to just have him once in a while. I want him all the time now. Im going to truly enjoy watching you sob your heart out as I cruelly leave you for your real-man buddy. But dont waste all those tissues on your tears cucky, because from now on theyre your only sex-life.
